The Touch of the Gardian (SquallxYuna) - First fanfic, would like critisism and pointers

This is co-written with LadyYuna10 (Im mainly beta-ing, the plot is all her's). This is the first time either of us have done anything fanfiction based and we would love some opinions and pointers as to how to improve our writing.



http://www.fanfiction.net/u/3512167/

Ohai. :3 I just read it. (I didn't want to reply with my ff account but if you want me to I can? xD)

It seems like a pretty good plot so far, but there's some pretty obvious typos and grammar issues. Dx

And what is ~this~ ? Did you mean for those to be thoughts? It slightly confuses me. D:

Btw - I used to beta a lot of fanfiction on there, but not recently. D:

If you want, I could save it and send you a rephrased version with all the grammar and typo fixes? :3

Oh and another thing - could you briefly explain how it's Yuna x Squall? So far it seems like it'd be the usual Yuna x Tidus to me.

I would realy appreciate you fixing the grammer and typos, my grammer is horrific as is my spelling.

~this~ I think is meant to be thoughts and as for the plot im not entirley sure on how its developing, LadyYuna10 is compleatly in control of that aspect of the story (shes on the site so you can message her about it if you like) At the moment we're working on the system of her writing a basic chapter (about 600 words) and then I go and fill in all the gaps that are needed beyond baisic speech and plot outline (I got carried away with my offer to beta ^^" ).

I know its not a verry good system but we dont get muc chance to discuss things for long amounts of time as were running on compleatly differnt time zones and have pretty busy lives too.

As Far as I know in concerns to Tidus he just isnt there and she cant remember him, as to why I can ask and see if it is relevent to the plot or not if it isnt I'll try and write it in.

Well lemme know all the details when you talk to her next okay? xD It'd really help to beta the story. LOL.

And I can work on the gammar and spelling tonight if you like. Would you prefer to email me a copy of the story and I email you back the fixes? That might be easier than me pasting the entire fix here or something. xD

If so, Message me your email address and I'll message you mine back? :3
And if LadyYuna10 would like to be in on it as well - we can do a 3 way email/beta system? o: I've never done one like that but I'm sure it'd be fairly interesting. LOL. xD

I checked with her about the Plot, apparently he is going to pop up later so Its not somthing to worry about so much yet.

That would be really really awesome =D
I'll send you my email and then a copy of the story once I have yours, I'll ask LadyYuna10 about it as soon as I can.

i'm right here now first tie joing this to tell the truth ^^ but there is a reason there a story i'm making for The touch of the gardian

There are a number of articles on spelling, grammar, & punctuation. Here are my favorites:
Semi-colons
Misspelling


Thought is generally shown by italicizing the words thought. For instance: "The calm expression he wore hid the panic he was feeling, what if I fall in? Will I hit the propeller? Won't hitting the water hurt? We're going pretty fast, what if I break something? How will I swim? All of these..."
Just make sure to write that it was thought, just as you would if it was yelled, or whispered, or spoken in a violent tone that made a little girl burst out in tears.
All though, it is also considered correct to write is as normal dialogue, with the quotes ("blahblahblah") so long as it is clear it is thought and not spoken.
It's also appropriate to refrain from using both italics and quotes, since both have a meaning already.
Just make sure you are consistent with it, whatever you chose.
It's treated as dialogue. Just non-verbal dialogue.

The Tilde, which you were using to show thought means "approximately" e.g., ~an hour. It can also mean "similar to."

The most important thing for fanfiction is keeping the characters in character, and making sure the environments are believable in the world's setting.

Make sure you know the characters and settings you're using. Read lore, find scripts, observethe character's actions and speech patterns. Find histories, learn the character's motivations e.g., Why would they fall for this person, how would they react to this new environment and the people?

If you want another pair of eyes for beta testing, I'd be happy to help. Contacting me on Y/T or Tumblr is much more reliable than through I'm vidding it.

Thanks for the offer and the advice =) But I think we're set now.

As for the presentation details I can make alterations once the mess that is my understanding of grammer has been sorted, probably going to go with Italics as I cant mess that up XD

And the rest of it will just be a matter of trial and error, dont worry though Im trying to make it as in world and character approprate as posible =)